Mad Talks: The Answer is “NO.”
This post is for the couple who is finding it hard to say, “no,” when it pertains to their wedding day. To the couple who may need that may need that reminder that it is OKAY to have boundaries, and how to effectively communicate them. Ultimately, none of this is easy! It is definitely difficult, but know you are making the best decision for your day. You do not owe anyone any explanation, you do not owe anyone anything!
HOW TO UN-INVITE SOMEONE FROM YOUR WEDDING:
Let’s be real. If you could invite everyone you know, this wouldn’t be an issue. Because you know some really AWESOME people… but as you start planning, is everyone $15 per plate, awesome? Ya know? However, there are some special occasions that arise that may need to be addressed.
Communicate With Your Partner!
Discussing your concerns with your partner and weighing your options before you make your decision is important! Discussing these concerns with your partner offer that open and honest decision that you can both conclude… together! Make sure you both agree on the need to un-invite someone. For example, will your mother-in-law freak the f-out if cousin Eddie is suddenly not on the guest list??? Will your partner back you up or are they the non-confrontational type that will do anything to not stir the pot? It’s one thing if the family is already at odds, ultimately you are not wanting this to become an issue past the wedding invite list!!
Be Respectful and Honest
When you are discussing this decision to the person you are un-inviting - it is crucial to take under consideration their feelings!! We all know this is tough for both parties, and being respectful of their feelings and being honest with them in a kind way will show so much more! Arrange a private meeting, DO NOT DO THIS IN PUBLIC OR IN FRONT OF OTHER INVITED PARTIES. For the love of God, please don’t embarrass anyone like that. Express your feelings clearly and sincerely in a respectful manner!!
Choose The Right Timing
When you come to a decision, it is important to let that individual know as soon as possible! Try reaching out to them soon and be mindful of any life-experiences they are encountering. Please do not wait until the last minute, that will only add stress and complicated feelings! And again, make sure it is at the right time, in the right setting!
Personalize Your Approach
Make sure you are specific when you are discussing your concern with the person involved. Clearly explain your thoughts that led to the decision and let them know how hard of a decision this is for you. Again, you don’t want to hinder any relationship past the wedding! Instead of blaming, focus on your feelings and the impact this has on your special day.
Offer An Explanation (if needed)
You are not required to explain every detail to everyone! Your feelings are valid. Decisions are valid. There may be situations where an explanation is beneficial - again it is not required. Be careful, if you choose to offer an explanation, to not give more information than is necessary. This may lead to more hurt than good by doing so.
Apologize & Stand Firm
Acknowledge their feelings, along with yours! Confrontation is never easy and know that we are all humans with feelings! Express your regret for any inconvenience and try to remain as calm and understanding as possible throughout the emotions that may come with this. It is essential to stay firm with your boundaries. It is so much easier to avoid all types of conflict, but then you are compromising on your big day!
Seek Emotional Support
This is not easy! Venting to close family and friends to seek advice and help to take some stress off your shoulders is okay!! Your feelings are valid and you should not feel like bottling all this up!!
Move Forward
Keep your positive attitude flowing. I understand this may have been a bump in the road, but don’t let it wreck your wedding or planning! Channel your energy into a positive experience filled with excitement, love and laughter - memories that you will cherish for the rest of your days!
4 Types of People You Should NOT Invite
People who make everything about themselves.
Typically these people bring down everyone’s energy when you hang around them. I SAY DO NOT INVITE THEM! But there are circumstances where they have to be on the guest lists, in that case, keep them an arms distance away. You do not need to invite them to your bridal suite or house while you prepare for the big day, they don’t need to be included in any plans other than showing up to the event, and they do not need to sit right next to you at the dinner table.
People who are jealous of you, passive-aggressive, or spiteful.
These are the people who think their jokes are hilarious but in reality they feel like daggers. The critical comments, sour attitudes are not meant to be around you at this time! Wedding days are meant to be focused around YOU and YOUR LOVE STORY! WE ARE CELEBRATING YOUUUUU! Honestly, these people just can’t celebrate you, no matter the season. If they can’t be happy for you for your wellbeing, they shouldn’t be invited.
People who openly criticize or disrespect your relationship.
Ew. Disgusting. These are the people who constantly cross boundaries in your relationship. From flirting with your spouse to making comments about your partner/relationship. People who are verbally disapproving your choices are not happy for you, they aren’t celebrating you. IF YOU FEEL LIKE THEY WILL TALK CRAP ON YOUR WEDDING DAY OR FILL YOU/YOUR PARTNER WITH DOUBTS LEADING UP TO IT, THEY DO NOT NEED TO BE INVITED.
People who have deeply hurt you and continue to do so.
This often looks like a family member who has caused some serious trauma but refuses to admit it. If their presence is a burden, they do not need to be invited. I cannot stress this enough, but you should be looking at each guest, being able to radiate love and happiness from them. You should be able to look at your guests and see positive memories and feel a strong-connected relationship with them! If you run into an issue like this, maybe try saying: “I appreciate that you want to celebrate with us during this time. However, due to past actions and their impact it has had on my mental health (and/or partners’), it’s best that you don’t attend the wedding.” OR “I appreciate that you want to celebrate with us. I appreciate how you are wanting to take the day to spend time with us. However, due to past actions and their impact it has had on my mental health (along with my partners’), it’s best that you show up at this time".” (this is most likely in the afternoon for photos, not at 9am).
Making A Guest List Is Hard!!
This can be a very stressful and upsetting task.
And maybe some people don’t need to be “uninvited,” they just need to have strict boundaries! And then there are the few that do need to be strictly excluded.
I may be some stranger on the internet, and I may not know the details of your situation. I am not required to know every living detail, the decision you make is the decision that is going to be the best for you and your partner. Your feelings are valid, your decision is valid! This is your day. At the end of this, I truly hope you are able to reflect and acknowledge the decision you are making is in the best interest of everyone!!
If you are interested in submitting a topic/question for this blog series, you can email me at madiegphotography@gmail.com with the subject line “Anonymous Topic/Question” with a brief discussion of your thoughts! I look forward to hearing from you.
